Letter From A Friend (Jesus)

This letter was shared recently with us during one of our church services.  These words "So, please call on Me soon. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait-because I love you!" hit really close to home. 

Letter From A Friend

(Unknown Author)

I just had to write to tell you how much I love you and care for you.  Yesterday, I saw you walking and laughing with your friends; I hoped that soon you'd want Me to walk along with you, too.  So, I painted you a sunset to close your day and whispered a cool breeze to refresh you.  I waited-you never turned to Me- I just kept on loving you.    

As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much to touch you.  I spilled moonlight onto your face-trickling down your cheeks as so many tears have.  You didn't even think of Me; I wanted so much to comfort you. 

The next day I exploded a brilliant sunrise into glorious morning for you.  But you woke up late and rushed off to work-you didn't even notice.  

I love you!  Oh, if you'd only listen!  I really love you.  I try to say it in the quiet of the green meadow, and in the blue sky.  The wind whispers My love throughout the treetops and spills it into the vibrant colors of all the flowers.  I shout it to you in the thunder of the great waterfalls and compose love songs for birds to sing for you.  My love for you is deeper than any ocean and greater than any need in your heart.  If you'd only realize how I care!

My Father sends His love.  I want you to meet Him-He cares, too.  Fathers are just that way.  So, please call on Me soon. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait-because I love you! 

Your Friend,

Jesus

Current Brain Injury Recovery

I must admit in the beginning things looked really dim with no light at the end of the tunnel.  Everyday my attitude would get better and better though.  After all I really didn't truly believe in the Almighty Father until I had no choice.  I'm stubborn!  Our lives quickly switched paths with a brain injury and we dealt with our circumstances on a day to day basis.  I found out first hand what my limits are and went even further in the hands of the Lord.   I was blessed to see my wife survive death and at the same time thrown into harsh reality attending 9 family and friends funerals.  In the beginning I was scared and worried that we weren't going to make it.  But in the end this developed into a chance to trust in someone else.   Sure we lost a lot of money and material things but gained a unique understanding of life and what really matters most.  Good friends abandoned us, but we made more.

Shel never gave up and has endured her new life without missing a beat!  She learned everything over again, gained her strength back, became a fantastic stay at home mom and hardly ever complains.  I consider myself to be truly blessed!  There is no doubt in my mind she would of done the same for me!

Looking back I guess my biggest blessing has been inner peace.  I don't doubt my faith near as much and when I do I close my eyes and remember  "The most compassionate Almighty Father gave us a second chance."

To all caregivers out there......  Remember you have been chosen by the Almighty father.  Chances are there are some amazing things happening all around you.  Press on with your heart! 

To this day this story has continued to make a difference in others! 


God Bless!
Randy and Shelley

Rehab Finally!

After close to six months of some kind of hospital care, she would begin rehab.  Rehabilitation facilities are all different in their own unique way.  Take your family and research your options based on what insurance actually covers.  All insurance policies are different, consult with your case worker from the hospital.  It is very important for the patient comfort to make sure everything is in order.  The rehab facility will most likely start out very slow with limited therapy based on strength of patient.  The doctors and therapists will monitor your patient brain injury progress and adjust challenges accordingly.  Shel's first day in her wheel chair was hand to eye coordination which she failed miserably.  As a caregiver this is the time in your life to become completely organized and get comfortable for a long journey.  Acquire a attorney specializing in Disability when deemed appropriate. In the beginning life will seem hopeless, but trust me the brain is unbelievably amazing and will rewire itself even without you knowing it!  Take care of yourself! Get some relief with family members taking turns or go to your happy place.  Important:  If you fall apart, go somewhere alone and scream!  The patient has enough to deal with!  Keep your stress away from them at least in the beginning.  I was able to run a retail store, raise a 3 month old and keep our household going.  You can do anything with God's help!  Don't give up!  Someone is counting on you!

Stumped Doctors

After what seemed like an eternity, the hospital discovered her feeding tube had dislocated and was causing stomach issues.  They immediately performed surgery to fix this issue.  She only spent several weeks here this time gaining her strength back and skin color.  Her eyes were open but couldn't speak only with a hoarse mumble.   I made sure that I was informed of all information and continued my bedside vigil.  My intentions were not to be abrasive, but somehow I quickly established the reputation of a husband that didn't take NO! for an answer.   I made arrangements with key individuals to transfer to a different rehab facility when she was ready.

Note:  Insurance companies control how long you stay in intensive care before you are released.  To the outsider looking in the patient will not seem ready! 

The Vail Hospital Bed

Shel was transferred to a local rehab and was scheduled to start her long journey of therapy at least we thought so.  Almost immediately we experienced a major set back.  She began to get sick and weak for long extended hours for no apparent reason.  The rehabilitation facility scheduled test after test in an attempt to figure out her mysterious sickness.  Her status went from rehab ready to hanging on by a thread.  Many doctors were brought in to help including a infectious disease expert.  For everyone's safety she was quarantined from all other patients and placed in a vail bed.   The vail bed (pictured above) is designed to keep patients with balance problems from falling out onto the floor.  I spent weeks reaching through the nylon webbing trying to communicate and soothe her suffering without much success.  Finally out of desperation the rehab facility transferred her back to the hospital.  This was a major set back for us!   On the bright side, I wasn't to happy with the care she received here so I thought maybe we could move her to a different facility. 

She didn't give up!

Shel would eventually open her eyes and move her arms and legs after a couple weeks.  Her brain surgeons would attribute her recovery to her prior physical strength as a cyclist. She couldn't talk only make a noise like someone that was very hoarse.   Her miraculous recovery would spread quickly throughout the hospital.  Many times I would reluctantly leave her bedside to take a walk or grab some food  from cafeteria.  Strangers would stop me in the hallway and ask if they could pray!  Essentially I became sort of a celebrity from tragic circumstances.  My view of life started to change!  I realized life wasn't about me and I needed to step up and make a difference.  The patients on Shel's floor would get the miraculous news from their loved ones and start fighting harder.  Even though Shel still was not out of the woods yet, I started to realize God put me here on purpose.  All the things I focused on before money, career and prestige meant totally nothing.  The day finally arrived for her transfer out of the hospital to a rehab facility. Note:  Brain Injured patients are treated, stabilized and released.  Entering into rehab is just the beginning of a long journey.  Starting Rehab is really important because the brain starts to rewire itself the first six months.  Unfortunately Insurance companies don't cover long stays at rehabilitation centers.  We were one of the lucky ones!  Again I will have to leave my wife's bedside, this time to attend my step dad's funeral. 

The Almighty Father has a sense of humor!

In the coming days there would not be much change in Shel's recovery from emergency brain surgery.  Her skin color would become a little bit darker, but the swelling stayed the same.  In everyone's mind the future looked dim.  I remained by her bedside pretty much all hours of the day/night.  I noticed there was a VCR in her room and thought to myself what can I do to help?  I brought in videos of our 3 month old daughter interacting with Shel hoping to spark a reaction.   I talked to her almost constantly assuming or at least hoping she could understand.  My ritual was playing recent videos on the VCR and asking her questions.  One day I was talking to her in her unresponsive state about our future plans and goals together, with the VCR playing family tapes in the background.  I was pretty much exhausted and not feeling positive about her recovery!  All of a sudden, she raised up looked me straight in the eye and told me to "Shut Up" ..... Evidently she had been listening to our daughter's voice and wanted to hear her.  To this day I will never forget that moment!  The reaction has never been explained medically and she would spend months before ever being able to speak.  I look back and call it God's sense of humor!   My mental strength would be tested even further by leaving my wife's unstable bedside to attend my mother's funeral. 

She is going to die!

The team of surgeons pulled me aside and told me in the most compassionate way she was probably not going to make it! This was a very bad dream and I needed to wake up now!  It seemed a few hours ago our life together had such a bright future with many plans to create memories together.  How in the world did we end up here?  Everything was happening way to fast.  I told everyone the tragic news and found a quiet corner and collapsed.   This was a huge turning point for me because I literally gave up and started to accept that I was going home alone.  During the next hour or so,  all the church members, family and friends said their good byes.  I went in to her hospital room where she lay pale, swollen and connected to many monitors and a feeding tube.  I dropped to my knees and prayed.  I grabbed her swollen hand and said "If it is your time to go, give Jesus a hug for me and I will see you soon" ,  "If it is not, give Jesus a hug and come back to me!"  At that moment, out of the blue she squeezed my hand!  In a instant, I was given some hope!

9 Hours of Emergency Brain Surgery

The helicopter landed and she was quickly rushed into and prepped for emergency brain surgery.  I was one of the first to arrive and take my post in the waiting room.  During the next twelve hours much to my surprise family and friends began to show up and join me in the waiting room.  In no time at all we had to spill out into the hallway because of the numbers of people showing up to offer support. In the days to come she would have more than 200 visitors.  I spent most of my time pacing the hallways and eventually found the chapel.  This was a huge turning point in my life!  I knew that as soon as I set foot inside my control of my life was over.  I spent time on the floor in the hallway outside the chapel and did my share of pacing this hallway too.  I was thinking what in the world am I going to say to the Almighty father?  I portrayed a strong Christian , but always did things on my terms.  I finally got enough nerve and courage and walked in.  The chapel was very plush and serene.  I immediately felt a sense of  calmness and found a comfortable seat knowing I would be there for a while.   Through heavy tears I attempted to ask the Almighty Father "What am I supposed to do? "  I know I deserve nothing because I have never trusted you before"  "Please help!" I don't want to lose her!  The more that I confessed it seemed a huge weight was being lifted!  I spent countless hours pacing multiple hallways and visiting the chapel many times.  Her brain surgery would take 9 hours!  The extraordinary thing that caught my attention was that our 3 month old daughter was not crying and smiling at me?

The Helicopter Ride

My friend stayed at the house with our daughter and made some phone calls to family members.  Thank God he was there!  I truly believe he was chosen to be there at that time/moment!  My mother-in-law quickly arrived after I left in the ambulance and took over care of our 3 month old daughter.   We arrived at the hospital very quickly and the paramedics rushed Shel into the scheduled ER trauma team.  At this point there has been no change of her unresponsiveness and coma like state.  Miraculously the doctor suspected that she had a brain injury and orders a MRI stat! How he knows that? I don't have a clue! This crucial diagnosis becomes very important later on!  By now many family members and friends are gathering inside the Emergency waiting room.  Meanwhile the doctor's suspicion is confirmed and a helicopter is ordered.  I leave my wife's very unstable bedside for a minute to check in with family members in the waiting room.  As I walk through the door, they inform me that there must be a really bad patient being treated because a helicopter has just landed in the parking lot.  Little do they know the helicopter is there for Shelley!

Tragedy Struck Everything Changed

April 2001 Shel and I had just completed a full day at work.  She had been working for a major brokerage firm since 1998 as a stock broker assistant.  I had recently left the corporate world and took over all the operations of the shop.  We were enjoying being newlyweds and recently became new parents.  Our daughter was just 3 months old.  Normally we didn't socialize much at night simply because we didn't have time.  However this evening I had a friend over for some odd reason.  I was in the basement hanging out with him  and Shel was upstairs tending to our daughter.  She really liked being a mother and cherished the one on one time with her.   After some time,  my wife came down and handed me our daughter and told me she wasn't feeling well.  I really didn't think anything about it at the time, because we had a lot going on and stress was at an all time high.  I had always taken care of her both emotionally and physically and this time was no different. After a short period of time,  I decided to go upstairs and check on her to make sure she was okay.  She was laying down in our bedroom with all the lights out complaining of feeling weak, bad headache and upset stomach.  Something seemed really bad and I felt that it was going to get worse.  She suddenly got very quiet and limp in my arms!  She was totally unresponsive and her eyes rolled back into her head.  I tried everything to revive her water, yelling, shaking, slapping and even screaming.  Nothing worked!  She was gone!  I yelled for my friend to call 911 and felt for a pulse and listened for a heartbeat.  The paramedics arrived and she was still unresponsive and in a coma like state.   The scene was chaotic because they had to maneuver her dead weight towards the front door plus diagnose the problem at the same time.  I could tell from their body language and questions that they were clueless too.  I remember the ride in the ambulance as if it was yesterday.  It was like time stopped!  80 mph plus at about ten o clock at night  rushing through red light after red light!  My wife in the back strapped to the gurney totally lifeless.  Ill never forget the paramedics hopeless expression on their face!     

I was given a sign

Shel and I returned from Hawaii and jumped feet first into our new life together as business owners.  If you have never been too Hawaii,  I highly recommend this paradise.  Everything is so green and plush and they really cater to tourists.  We only had the one issue with our first hotel not having a room for us, but they upgraded us to the penthouse suite.  I had my own personal tour guide since Shel lived there for 14 years.  After our honeymoon, we continued to work side by side at the retail store, and everything was going well.  I took over the day to day operations and gave Shel a much needed break!  She decided to try a different career path and I supported her wholeheartedly.   She took a job as a stock broker assistant at a major firm in St Louis.  Remember this information because it will become very significant.
One day I was alone at the retail store performing the daily close out of the cash drawer.  The front glass doors were open with a warm summer breeze.  I had just raised my head and glanced at the empty parking lot outside and continued to complete the close out procedure.  I heard a noise outside and looked up and there was a gentleman in a wheel chair trying to get up onto the walkway in front of our store.  Remember there was no one in the parking lot just seconds ago?   I stopped what I was doing and helped this man into our store and pushed him around in his wheel chair for an hour showing him everything.  He told me about his public speaking ministry about his alcohol related car accident that put him in a wheel chair.  We discussed things that were weighing down my heart and shed many tears together.   I felt I knew him all my life.  I gave him a Lance Armstrong jersey and he disappeared! Never to be seen again!   Very shortly after this,  I would become a brain injured caregiver  and push Shelley around in a wheelchair.  Looking back I truly believe this was a sign from the Almighty father preparing me for the extreme challenges ahead!

Life couldn't get any better!

Shel spent many countless hours running retail store and planning our Sept 1998 wedding.  We weren't known for doing things like everybody else and why should this be different?  Up to this point our focus was entertaining others and making life easier so we decided to be creative in our wedding plans also.  We chose a beautiful outdoor rose garden and started planning.  There had to be alternative arrangements made for weather and seating for guests.  We had been to many weddings and observed what worked and what didn't.  We decided to provide catered hors d'oeuvres for guests outside under a canopy while we took pictures plus a huge reception later in the day.  I remember this day vividly!  The weather was a little hot but the atmosphere and guests made our day!  Shel and I had been living a fairy tale relationship and now she was going to become my queen!  I had witnessed first hand the huge difference she had made in others and absolutely cherished her! Life was good! Everything went as planned and compliments were fluent!  We went out of our way to create a enjoyable experience for everyone with music, dancing, food, story boards and more.  That year we relocated the store increasing square footage,  doubled our staff and got married.   The next morning we headed to our much needed honey moon vacation destination Hawaii!

Our Lives Together

We dated seriously for 2 years before tying the knot in a beautiful rose garden.  Our daily routine was for me to drive straight to the bicycle shop after working in St Louis.  At first I was terrified of being asked to help customers with cash register, questions, test rides etc.  I would stay under the radar and make small talk mostly unrelated to cycling with customers awaiting help.  This routine worked for a while until one day Shel was in the back room crying because she couldn't keep up!  The shop was so busy and popular that many times there were no breaks.  I couldn't handle her crying so I stepped up and jumped in!  I started learning everything that I could about cycling and the industry in general.  I have always been a well organized person and grew up in a family business, so there was potential.  I bought a notebook and started observing everything trying to figure out a game plan.   I realized quickly that her inventory was a mess, signage was limited and customers were confused.  I thought to myself if we make the bike buying experience an user friendly, fun, family experience with no headaches and provide free information that our income and popularity would rise rapidly.  I presented the plan to Shel and off we went.  We spent all our time together working side by side helping customers, recreating store layout and loving every minute of it.  Shel and I really didn't have time to go on a real date because the retail store consumed our time.  We didn't care!  We were healthy and together!  The bonus being our plan worked!  Little did Shel know that a traumatic brain injury would change her life forever.

How we met!

Both of us had just recently become single again!   My father had recently lost his wife to cancer and I moved in for moral support.  We went to lunch with some people from his church and as usual the lady's were trying to set me up.  At the time I was dabbling in the modeling industry as a  commercial model for a art gallery in St Louis.  I always carried my head shot for potential modeling opportunities  and gave one of them to the ladies to pass on to the interested girl on the other end.  Several weeks later we met  with the same group of ladies and they handed me a note from the girl interested  in meeting me.  Evidently unknown to me, my head shot came across the wrong way to her as somewhat conceited.  I opened the note and almost immediately fell in love with the person that wrote it (even though we had never met).  She used her creativity describing almost everything about her from childhood  referring to old pictures.  I was so impressed with her personality, creativity, humor and compassion that I called her right away! Sometimes in life you just know when something is right!  We would eventually create a story board about how we met and have it at our  reception for others! Soon after that we officially met one another and quickly fell deep in love!  We learned from our first relationships what didn't work and were totally focused on what would!  We went everywhere together, held one another tightly, cuddled, took long walks, talked till early morning hours on the phone.  I would go from just loving her tremendously to cherishing her.  After I got off work, I would go visit her at her bike store and feel like I just completed her day by walking in!  Life was good!

Husband's Background

My parents divorced in my preteen-age years and life was somewhat difficult.  I thought it was end of the world when my parents went their separate ways.  My mom remarried and I found myself living at Lake of the Ozarks.  My step dad was possessed with the devil of alcoholism and most of my waking hours were spent defending myself physically or emotionally.  I admired my mother for her  compassion and duplicated her personality in myself.  Unfortunately the stress became too much to bare and my mom's health deteriorated rapidly with Alzheimer disease.  There were good times usually during the day water skiing and enjoying each others company but the drinking started at night.  My spiritual life was somewhat confusing because of  going to church every Sunday and fighting demons at night.   I learned how to memorize passages in the bible, say the right things and portrayed the image of a strong Christian even though inside I was not!  I firmly believe looking back that God was preparing me for more challenging times as a caregiver starting with witnessing first hand the slow deterioration  of my mom's mental health.
I don't wish anyone would ever have to witness their own moms go from a living thriving adult to a child in a fetal position.  I truly miss my mom with all my heart!

Extraordinary things started happening in my childhood years.  I was able to know when accidents would happen before they did and  recognize struggling hearts.  In the midst of total chaos, I became stronger and stronger inside and out.  Little did I know god's plan to utilize all these teachings in my future.

My wife's background

My wife Shelley grew up in a military family and traveled a lot.  She didn't have the privilege to stay at one place very long and establish permanent friends.  Looking back I think she gained her independence and strength from her father.  She left home at a young age and ended up moving to Hawaii.  Yeah I know how sad is that!  Living in paradise!  Poor thing!  Anyhow she met someone (before me) and followed him to Hawaii.  I still have visions of her traveling in a Volkswagon Bus and singing like the Partridge family staying in State Parks.  I joke with her about that all the time!  After arriving in Hawaii, she secured a job as a dishwasher at the local pizza hut store.  She lived there for a total of 14 years and became the area manager.  Meanwhile back home her father retired from the military and bought a bicycle retail store with savings.  Tragically her father passed away in the 1990's from cancer and the family was left to take over in his shoes.  Her brother who lived pretty far away tried his best to keep things going, but the travel took toll on his own family.  My wife (well not yet anyhow)  made the decision to leave paradise and save the family business.   She had developed a business background over the years, but knew nothing about bicycles.  She put her mind to it and quickly became an avid cyclist and respected retail store owner.  She did not take a salary, sold her car, secured a part time job at night and used a bicycle for all transportation.  After several hard years she managed to turn things around and established a thriving business.  Even though she didn't know it yet many years later her determination and strength would be tested with a brain injury.

My plan vs God's plan

Hello all!  Welcome to a blog that will I hope change your lives forever!  These words have been in my heart for quite some time.  In life people including myself pursue directions that may not be the right one.  My plan to share this amazing story has not been an easy one!  There has been videos lost, set backs, devil strong holds, confusion and frustration.   In the last few years I have been blessed with seeing life through other eyes besides my own and granted  the privilege to change people's hearts through my words!  I still have the bruises on my knees when I gave up on me and trusted in prayer! Caregivers from all walks of life sometimes find themselves alone and frustrated. Miracles do happen!  I hope our words will lift you up!

Before we get started I want everyone to know that there are many others out there that have had more difficult times than us.  We are not down playing your suffering!  We truly wish you the best and want to offer hope!